Hello!
I sit here on my bed, trying to begin to know where to start, and all I can say is that I am in awe of God's grace, His mercy, His love, His provision, His constant covering of me, His whiny at times daughter whom He has shown overwhelming love to like never before.
These past six months have been a crazy whirlwind of confusion, frustration, sadness, loneliness, and more than anything GROWTH.
I feel like a new person, I feel like God has stripped me of everything I have ever known for the SOLE purpose to draw me closer than EVER before to Him, and you know what? I'm not even mad about it anymore :) The fact that He would put me through everything I've been through and continue to go through just so He could show His love to me even more makes me feel special! It really does, and I can't even begin to explain what a difference it's already made in my relationship with Him.
Moving down here I had no idea what I was moving for, and I still don't. But the difference is that I don't care anymore! And I have learned that it's not about where I'm at, but how I choose to conduct myself with the people who surround me. And most importantly, I've learned to go to God FIRST with EVERYTHING. I've only learned that recently because He's literally been all I have to turn to. Thank you Jesus.
When I was home for Christmas God did something pretty incredible in me. He taught me how to start letting HIM love ME. I have always tried so hard (and then put a guilt trip on myself for failing) to love Him enough, and do enough and be enough. And He stopped me short in my tracks one unsuspecting night, and I started to let Him love me. That set me up for a whole new outlook coming back down to my new life in San Diego. My focus changed, and I became more determined than ever to just live in Him, in His love.
Updates: I have found a church!!!!!!!!! I am going to East Lake (Mike Meeks church for those of you who don't know) and have started serving as a high school small group leader again! This came about in the matter of a couple hours one day. I just felt compelled to email the high school pastor there and ended up getting a response immediately, met with him and another key leader two days later and that night was sitting in front of a group of high schooler's. AND they told me that they are interested in doing their first ever youth mission trip...but have no one who's experienced to lead it...hmmmm who could be asked to step into THAT role I wonder?? :) When God wants to move...HE MOVES QUICKLY! I've just tried to learn to expect Him to show up anywhere and everywhere. I think when we put specific expectations on Him we get disappointing, but when we just EXPECT Him, He always delivers :) He always shows up. It was kind of funny though because those girls have no idea how much I already love them and want them to see their value in Christ, and they're still getting to know me so I think I might have freaked them out a bit tonight. They not only experienced "Brooke on a soap box" because I was particularly passionate about the topic tonight, but I actually asked a girl to leave the group because she was being extremely dis-respectful and I take these groups SO seriously! This is God's work! I had given her plenty of kind but firm warnings as only Brooke can, but enough was enough....Brooke's back in the game folks! High school girls everywhere watch out! I won't let anything stand in the way of you finding your value as a daughter of the King!!!! hahaha!!
I'm majorly rambling but there's just so much that's indescribable about what He's doing in me down here. I have never been so alive in Him, and still so lonely. But I consider loneliness as a blessing in this season of my life, because I have learned to draw ever closer to my awesome God. I also joined a Bible study for women Tuesday mornings that is AMAZING. We're going through a Beth Moore study of the Psalms, and I am already blown away with challenges!
Ooooh! One more thing though if you've made it this far :) I was blessed to be able to go to the Grammy's Sunday night!!! It was amazing! But you know what was so cool? For those of you who know me really well you know how much I love celebrity gossip etc..., I've stopped denying it or defending it :) It's just a fact about me. BUT, something that actually surprised even me about myself this time, was that I walked away just feeling so much more impressed by my God than I was any of those celebrity's. It was still AWESOME! But God is just so much more impressive to me. He is so much bigger, and really, those people are just lost people just like all of us who need a Savior. So I will pray for them...as I continue to read People magazine weekly hahaha...oh dear. No but I really did feel a strong urgency and heart for them to be praying for them in a very serious way. So we'll see what comes of it :) Maybe next week in People all of the celebrity's will be professing Jesus...hey even God is capable of that! Ok, I need to get some sleep.
I love you all! And dearly miss all of you who are not here with me. Keep praising God, live for His glory and be your own bad self in the midst of it all!
