I have been so blessed in my life to be surrounded by amazing people. Godly, wise, strong, influential people. I myself am trying to become one of those people. What's interesting about this blessing, is that I started to take the people around me, their opinions, wisdom, advice, etc...as the Word of God; immediately and without much consultation with God Himself. For a while, as I was learning more and more how to hear the voice of God I think this was ok, but I'm beginning to realize the more I start to hear God's voice in the tone that only my soul responds to, that I was using all of those people as an excuse to not dive deeper within myself. I could rely on these voices, I could trust these people, and I still can.
This started to change however, when I first decided to move to Nicaragua to be a full time missionary (read from the beginning if you want a taste of that journey that took an unexpected turn to sunny San Diego). I remember talking to one of these amazing voices in my life, and I sat before her desperate for an answer, and the one I got was, "You're going to be the only one who can hear God in this." And again, another trusted voice, same answer. Talk about devastating and scary! And yet this is what God's been preparing me for from my first breath. The answer I heard was not the one I wanted to hear. And it seems ever since then a year ago, it's been one answer after another that I don't necessarily want to hear, but things have been changing in my heart. I am hearing Him. I am hearing A LOT of Him. Even the stuff that normally I would want to shut out or get verified by someone else.
I have plans and aspirations to travel the world for God, to reach out to the hurting, the homeless...and these are not just flowery words. THIS IS MY HEART OF HEARTS. I have dreams to change inner city hearts so that when they hear the word Jesus it resembles power and not pain. But when all is said and done, I need to be sanctified by God, open and willing to whatever His plan is. Stripped fully of every voice, of every influence except for raw and real Jesus Christ Himself, Father Son and Holy Spirit.
Please don't get me wrong, we need community! I need community! But honestly, since I've been in San Diego I haven't had much community. But I have had doses and doses of God in ways that I never even knew existed. A lot of people don't understand what I'm doing with my life. I've had people tell me that all they seem to hear is emotional explanations of my walk with God but that they still have no clue what's happening in my life...and you know what I want to say to that? My "emotional" explanations of my walk with God IS what's going on in my life. The details, the plans, they're all scattered. And I get very insecure about this because it doesn't make sense, and I don't know what to tell people when they ask me what the crap I'm doing with my life. But part of what God is doing in me is bringing me to a place where I am FULLY reliant on Him, trusting Him when literally NOTHING makes sense, and doing everything in my power to become more like Him so that I'll be ready when He brings the huge promises He's buried in my heart. THAT is the preparation I'm making in my life right now. I'm making room for Him, learning about Him, learning to stand confidently in His promises even when well meaning voices speak caution into my life.
I've been reading through Romans as I've mentioned, and Paul tackles BIG and tough topics..and I've noticed a pattern. He talks about something controversial like God deciding (or simply stating that He already knows) who will be saved and who won't be in Romans chapter 9, and he speaks to the Gentiles about the Jews losing favor with God and yet shoves it in the Gentiles faces that they're no better than the Jews even though God has shown them grace in chapter 11...then he makes statements like "who are you, a mere human being, to criticize God?" (9:20), or "For who can know what the Lord is thinking?" (11:34)...and then Paul proclaims what a GREAT and awesome God we serve. See we are sanctified by FAITH not answers. We have to choose to believe in who He says He is whether or not what He's doing makes sense. And we have to know Him, in order to trust in Him. We have to find out more about Him and how He's made us to know Him.
Faith, and not answers, this is what God is teaching me. A lot of people have asked me lately "do you think you've accomplished what God moved you to San Diego for?", and my answer? I have no freaking clue. What I do know is that He has dug deep, painfully deep, into my gut and ripped out a lot of notions that I don't have what it takes, that I can't hear Him, that He is not enough, and replaced those with pure and beautiful truth and power through Him and Him alone. So even if I came back to Portland today, I will have been changed. If He wants me to stay I'll stay (a little reluctantly), but I'll stay. I want to move back to Portland soon, but I want what God wants for me more. And I think I can say that honestly for the first time ever.
I am so incredibly thankful for amazing people God has placed in my life, but I am facing the not-so-fun-to-think-about aspect of Jesus when He calls us to love Him MORE than anything or anyONE in our lives. And frankly I'm done trying to explain to everyone what I'm doing and why. When I say I'm just following whatever God wants me to do, I'm not over-spiritualizing anything or trying to sound super Christian, I'm speaking from the newly deepened spirit within me that actually believes that.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Lord, keep me from stifling Your creativity
I just saw a PHENOMENAL movie tonight called Inception. Seriously. See this movie! So amazingly mind blowing and thrilling and confusing and makes you think like never before, which I LOVE! Having the mind stretched...you know what also makes your mind stretch? Trying to dive deeper into the creator of the universe...just sayin.
My blood is flowin right now folks. My mind is racing so fast and I feel like I need to go jump in the ocean or something! This movie, Inception, is about the ability of the mind, and what happens when you mess with that. The thing that I LOVED about this movie is that it deals with the realm of the IMPOSSIBLE... which seems to be a theme in my life as of late. There's a line in the movie where a character is trying to talk the main guy (someone dear to my heart, Mr. DiCaprio), into doing a project with him... I swear I'm not giving anything away...and he asks him if he would rather take a leap of faith, or live a life filled with regrets, or something along those lines. This strikes a chord with me, and I'll tell you why. Some people say they have no regrets, I say if I could go back and do things differently, I would! Has God through His endless mercy and grace redeemed my life? Yes! Thank you Jesus! Does He still have INCREDIBLE plans for my life? Heck YES He does! But could I have not wasted so much time by running from my calling in the past? Another sound yes.
See here's the thing, this is one of those mind boggling things I mentioned about finding out more about our Creator and Master. He knows the decisions we make and are going to make, and He works with it...but we have the power. We have the decision making responsibility.We have the choice to make LEAPS of faith with our God, or to live a life filled with regrets.
The biggest threats to leaps of faith are the waiting periods. Those periods when we feel like this life has nothing good to offer; like the urging inside of each and every one of our souls is really something that is childish and un-realistic. But I say those urgings, those desires to see God do the impossible in our life ARE childish and un-realistic, which is EXACTLY why we should follow those with all of our hearts. I am in a waiting period right now. I can't see how God is ever going to manifest the insane dreams He has placed in my heart, and in the past, I have allowed this frustration to cause me to lose sight of His promises. But it is in these waiting times that we must make the biggest leaps of faith by still staying in the game. Allowing God to prepare us for what's coming is MORE important than when the actual action starts most of the time. He won't give us something we're not prepared for, and the bigger the dream it seems, the longer the prep time. I am encouraged lately to stay in there, to take a leap of faith by still believing in the dreams that God has given me.
The reason I LOVED this movie so much is because it deals with the imagination and the impossible to the extreme. And this is exactly where we should be if we claim to walk in a relationship with Jesus Christ! BEGIN at the impossible, don't allow your heart to go back into what can be seen and felt, those are all just details of a MUCH bigger plan that God is brewing. You would not be breathing if He didn't have you here still for a bigger purpose. Allow your mind to go there, and then follow it with your feet. The more impossible the better.
I'm reading an amazing book called "Visioneering" by Andy Stanley. It is about exactly what I'm talking about, taking the impossible dreams that God has placed inside of you and doing something with them. The beginning of this book is difficult to get through however because it talks about waiting...about the importance of prep work. Basically the boring stuff. But God is ALWAYS at work behind the scenes, we just need to stay in the game! Be faithful, and don't let these impossibilities frustrate you, allow them to motivate you onward. As long as it does not go against God's Word, let the craziness of a dream become confirmation that the God of the universe is the mastermind behind it.
I'd like to end with a quote from this book:
"You don't know what God is up to behind the scenes of your life. You don't know how close you are to a breakthrough. It is no accident you are where you are. And it is not necessarily a problem that you are not where you assume you ought to be. God is very much in control. He works all things to the good of those who are 'called according to his purpose' (Romans 8:28). His vision for your life is His purpose.
God is using your circumstances to prepare you to accomplish His vision for your life. Your present circumstances are part of the vision. You are not wasting your time. You are not spinning your wheels. You are not wandering in the wilderness. If you are 'seeking first' His kingdom where you are, then where you are is where He has positioned you. And He has positioned you there with a purpose in mind."
If you could, if you've read this far already :), pray this prayer with me!
Jesus, make my starting point the impossible and let my dreams take off from there. Lord be the master of my mind, the leader on the trail, the only thing I seek when searching for purpose. You, Lord, have created this crazy heart and mind that drive me mad sometimes, but it is for YOUR glory that I live and move and breathe, therefore glorify Yourself through me. Show off your amazing imagination through my life Lord, and keep me from stifling Your creativity! Amen and amen.
My blood is flowin right now folks. My mind is racing so fast and I feel like I need to go jump in the ocean or something! This movie, Inception, is about the ability of the mind, and what happens when you mess with that. The thing that I LOVED about this movie is that it deals with the realm of the IMPOSSIBLE... which seems to be a theme in my life as of late. There's a line in the movie where a character is trying to talk the main guy (someone dear to my heart, Mr. DiCaprio), into doing a project with him... I swear I'm not giving anything away...and he asks him if he would rather take a leap of faith, or live a life filled with regrets, or something along those lines. This strikes a chord with me, and I'll tell you why. Some people say they have no regrets, I say if I could go back and do things differently, I would! Has God through His endless mercy and grace redeemed my life? Yes! Thank you Jesus! Does He still have INCREDIBLE plans for my life? Heck YES He does! But could I have not wasted so much time by running from my calling in the past? Another sound yes.
See here's the thing, this is one of those mind boggling things I mentioned about finding out more about our Creator and Master. He knows the decisions we make and are going to make, and He works with it...but we have the power. We have the decision making responsibility.We have the choice to make LEAPS of faith with our God, or to live a life filled with regrets.
The biggest threats to leaps of faith are the waiting periods. Those periods when we feel like this life has nothing good to offer; like the urging inside of each and every one of our souls is really something that is childish and un-realistic. But I say those urgings, those desires to see God do the impossible in our life ARE childish and un-realistic, which is EXACTLY why we should follow those with all of our hearts. I am in a waiting period right now. I can't see how God is ever going to manifest the insane dreams He has placed in my heart, and in the past, I have allowed this frustration to cause me to lose sight of His promises. But it is in these waiting times that we must make the biggest leaps of faith by still staying in the game. Allowing God to prepare us for what's coming is MORE important than when the actual action starts most of the time. He won't give us something we're not prepared for, and the bigger the dream it seems, the longer the prep time. I am encouraged lately to stay in there, to take a leap of faith by still believing in the dreams that God has given me.
The reason I LOVED this movie so much is because it deals with the imagination and the impossible to the extreme. And this is exactly where we should be if we claim to walk in a relationship with Jesus Christ! BEGIN at the impossible, don't allow your heart to go back into what can be seen and felt, those are all just details of a MUCH bigger plan that God is brewing. You would not be breathing if He didn't have you here still for a bigger purpose. Allow your mind to go there, and then follow it with your feet. The more impossible the better.
I'm reading an amazing book called "Visioneering" by Andy Stanley. It is about exactly what I'm talking about, taking the impossible dreams that God has placed inside of you and doing something with them. The beginning of this book is difficult to get through however because it talks about waiting...about the importance of prep work. Basically the boring stuff. But God is ALWAYS at work behind the scenes, we just need to stay in the game! Be faithful, and don't let these impossibilities frustrate you, allow them to motivate you onward. As long as it does not go against God's Word, let the craziness of a dream become confirmation that the God of the universe is the mastermind behind it.
I'd like to end with a quote from this book:
"You don't know what God is up to behind the scenes of your life. You don't know how close you are to a breakthrough. It is no accident you are where you are. And it is not necessarily a problem that you are not where you assume you ought to be. God is very much in control. He works all things to the good of those who are 'called according to his purpose' (Romans 8:28). His vision for your life is His purpose.
God is using your circumstances to prepare you to accomplish His vision for your life. Your present circumstances are part of the vision. You are not wasting your time. You are not spinning your wheels. You are not wandering in the wilderness. If you are 'seeking first' His kingdom where you are, then where you are is where He has positioned you. And He has positioned you there with a purpose in mind."
If you could, if you've read this far already :), pray this prayer with me!
Jesus, make my starting point the impossible and let my dreams take off from there. Lord be the master of my mind, the leader on the trail, the only thing I seek when searching for purpose. You, Lord, have created this crazy heart and mind that drive me mad sometimes, but it is for YOUR glory that I live and move and breathe, therefore glorify Yourself through me. Show off your amazing imagination through my life Lord, and keep me from stifling Your creativity! Amen and amen.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Let your soul take over!
Sometimes, at night, I lay awake wondering how I got to that particular place. It's funny, the places I end up. I've woken up in strangers homes, in dirt huts, in some of the nicest suites in hotels, camp cabins, floors, air mattresses, homes filled with friends, homes filled with strangers, homes completely empty...I experienced a big variety of those all within the last month.
It's a cool feeling though, the feeling of being swept up in God's plan and not understanding a bit of it, but just knowing it's all leading somewhere. Let me back up...it CAN be a cool feeling. It can also be very confusing, frustrating, lonely...
I had the privilege of working at a camp for foster kids at the end of June. It was one of the best refining weeks of my life. Extreme emotional roller coaster the whole time, plus lack of sleep and constant conflict and drama within my cabin made it impossible for me NOT to lean on God. Before the girls got there I found myself alone in our cabin and I walked around praying for each bed and for the girl that was going to inhabit it. The girls in those beds probably find themselves waking up in many different environments within short periods of time as well, although for them it's not their choice. I was struck with how much peace I received from God by simply focusing in on my purpose for being there. By focusing on faith, and believing I was meant to be there, it took the pressure off. It brought clarity and focus to a new and unknown and scary adventure, and at the same time gave God the power and freedom to do whatever He wanted with me that week.
I've been reading through Romans lately, and I don't know if I never noticed this before or if I just don't remember, but I am BLOWN AWAY at the emphasis they put on faith. Paul is constantly stating and restating that by FAITH we are deemed righteous. Not by our works (although we need both), and not even by what Jesus has done for us, but by our act of BELIEVING in what Jesus has done for us and living that way.
I love how Paul refers to Abraham's situation in Romans 4:24-25, "And Abraham's faith did not weaken, even though he KNEW that he was too old to be a father at the age of one hundred and that Sarah, his wife, HAD NEVER BEEN ABLE TO have children." (emphasis mine). It's not about our circumstances, it's not about what is physcially and humanly possible in this world. It's about the fact that we serve a MIGHTY God, the one who created our minds to be able to even logically analyze a situation which is what keeps us from faith so often!
I know this is all been said before, but man, God has opened my eyes in a new way to this TRUTH. I heard in a message at church recently that the more we feed our fears, our faith starves, but the more we feed our faith our fears starve. We look around us and see what's possible and what is not, and we forget that we serve a God that is BEYOND the impossible. To him that's just a silly word made up by us, made up by our fear. His best work is done in impossible situations, all He wants us to do is to BELIEVE that He is bigger, and therefore give Him the power in our lives to show that off!
Faith. By which we are called righteous. What helps us stand when everything seems hopeless. What gives us strength to keep going. What opens our eyes to new and wildly impossible situations therefore getting us one step closer to living by the wings of our soul rather than by the limits of our mind and body.
Let your soul take over today, I know I'm trying.
It's a cool feeling though, the feeling of being swept up in God's plan and not understanding a bit of it, but just knowing it's all leading somewhere. Let me back up...it CAN be a cool feeling. It can also be very confusing, frustrating, lonely...
I had the privilege of working at a camp for foster kids at the end of June. It was one of the best refining weeks of my life. Extreme emotional roller coaster the whole time, plus lack of sleep and constant conflict and drama within my cabin made it impossible for me NOT to lean on God. Before the girls got there I found myself alone in our cabin and I walked around praying for each bed and for the girl that was going to inhabit it. The girls in those beds probably find themselves waking up in many different environments within short periods of time as well, although for them it's not their choice. I was struck with how much peace I received from God by simply focusing in on my purpose for being there. By focusing on faith, and believing I was meant to be there, it took the pressure off. It brought clarity and focus to a new and unknown and scary adventure, and at the same time gave God the power and freedom to do whatever He wanted with me that week.
I've been reading through Romans lately, and I don't know if I never noticed this before or if I just don't remember, but I am BLOWN AWAY at the emphasis they put on faith. Paul is constantly stating and restating that by FAITH we are deemed righteous. Not by our works (although we need both), and not even by what Jesus has done for us, but by our act of BELIEVING in what Jesus has done for us and living that way.
I love how Paul refers to Abraham's situation in Romans 4:24-25, "And Abraham's faith did not weaken, even though he KNEW that he was too old to be a father at the age of one hundred and that Sarah, his wife, HAD NEVER BEEN ABLE TO have children." (emphasis mine). It's not about our circumstances, it's not about what is physcially and humanly possible in this world. It's about the fact that we serve a MIGHTY God, the one who created our minds to be able to even logically analyze a situation which is what keeps us from faith so often!
I know this is all been said before, but man, God has opened my eyes in a new way to this TRUTH. I heard in a message at church recently that the more we feed our fears, our faith starves, but the more we feed our faith our fears starve. We look around us and see what's possible and what is not, and we forget that we serve a God that is BEYOND the impossible. To him that's just a silly word made up by us, made up by our fear. His best work is done in impossible situations, all He wants us to do is to BELIEVE that He is bigger, and therefore give Him the power in our lives to show that off!
Faith. By which we are called righteous. What helps us stand when everything seems hopeless. What gives us strength to keep going. What opens our eyes to new and wildly impossible situations therefore getting us one step closer to living by the wings of our soul rather than by the limits of our mind and body.
Let your soul take over today, I know I'm trying.
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