I struggle with major insecurities when it comes to my qualifications in anything. The one thing I have to constantly push out of my mind and to the feet of Jesus is my doubt in my ability. What's funny is that, just looking at me, I have no ability to accomplish the wild dreams in my mind, and yet if I just admit that and stop trying to hide that, it's then that I'm empowered by the knowledge that my dreams can only be accomplished by someone who's big enough to use me in IMPOSSIBLE ways.
Satan is sneaky. He'll get into my head that I have jumped around from job to job, place to place, idea to idea so much that I can never accomplish anything. When the TRUTH is that, whether or not it's ever understandable, God is at work. And the ONLY qualification any of us needs is the one HE gave to us on the cross, the privilege of being called a child of the King. He'll take it from there, once we accept it and OWN IT.
Case in point:
I was driving home from L.A. where I spent an awesome time with some great people, Jeff and Liz, Kaylie and Luke, Kevin and Regina, and Liz's parents Dave and Debi. We went to Disneyland and then the next day I visited a couple of churches with Jeff and Liz as they were doing some research on some awesome things happening at Southlake. After times like this I always have a hard time getting back into my car alone and driving into the unknown, or at least that's how it always feels. Lately that feeling has taken on a new meaning, a better one...but that's another story.
So I didn't want to just go home and sit around, so I thought the next best option was to check out the Starbucks downtown San Diego that I had driven by a lot that looked really cute. It's right by the water and it was a beautiful evening. I sat down inside and started to try and read a book but I could NOT focus. Usually when I'm in the type of mood I was in I just don't want to talk to anyone. I want to get lost in a book and shut the world out for a while. But God was not going to let that happen this time. There was this old man sitting out front reading the newspaper, but he was taking up both tables outside...but all of a sudden I seriously felt like I couldn't breath and was antsy and just needed some fresh air. So I just went outside and asked if I could share one of the tables with him.
I got up. I went outside. I asked if I could share a table with him. And GOD USED THAT. It takes next to nothing for God to move. He isn't dependent on us, but I think He gets the most joy out of showing us how creative He can be on where He shows up. I ended up getting into a 3 hour conversation with Aurthur, or Art as he would prefer to be called, I just like Aurthur better :). The conversation started with stories of when he was in the service, how he got from New York to living in SoCal and on and on and on.
He asked me what I was writing when he saw my notebook, and I told him it just helps me to write as I read things to really process them. Then he asked me what I like to read, and from there I talked about how I mostly enjoy books based on my faith, and from there learned he was agnostic, and the rest of the conversation consisted of him asking me questions, usually not giving me a chance to even respond...he was a sneaky old fellow...and me sharing my heart for Jesus with him.
I had no idea how to answer each question as he was asking it. I just kept praying over and over and over "Lord SPEAK" and He did. Through me. Is there any better feeling? Towards the end of the conversation he said, "Why did you get a nudge, a hint, a direction towards God since you were young and I didn't?" To that I replied, "I don't know why it didn't happen earlier, but it's happening now. What if I'm your nudge?"
Who are you a nudge to? Are you pointing people towards Christ or away from Him because of how you treat others, talk to others? This man had heard all the answers, he had been preached to, he was very intelligent when it came to religions, but he said he had never heard someone talk about Jesus with so much love and compassion and passion. PLEASE believe me I am not saying this to toot my own horn....JESUS DESERVES EVERY OUNCE OF GLORY IN THIS SITUATION. I seriously did nothing except take on an opportunity set before me, step by step, question by question.
Art and I are going to have coffee this evening :) Whether you're 26 or 86, we're all still trying to figure this thing called life out, let's do it together! Look for your opportunities! They are everywhere. I am no scholar, I have so much to learn, but I am qualified to be used in the Kingdom because God says.
