I got cussed out the other day by the girl I work for. Literally, like screaming "F&*$ YOU! F*&$ YOU! F*$# YOU!" Or another phrase was "GET THE F#%* OFF MY BACK!" Etc... You get the point. Did I mention this was in public on a Christian colleges campus? You should have seen the faces! (Part of me would have thought that part of it funny if I was not the object of ridicule at the moment). She told me to leave her, so I did. (For those of you who don't know I work as a companion for a girl who had a brain injury 7 years ago) Still no excuse for treating someone like that, especially someone like me who she only knows as a good friend of hers. (I get paid but she doesn't know, it's a complicated situation).
I in turn abandoned my responsibilities of the moment, which were making sure she got to class on time, and just left her on campus. I did however text her 5 minutes later asking if she made it to class, I couldn't help but worry a bit... The day didn't get any better, more issues with my job and her therapists getting on my back about stuff that is harder to control then they realize and blah blah blah. The details of my day would only bore you, but the reason I'm sharing this story is because I realized with my super bad day, that I have grown much more than I probably would have realized if this didn't occur.
Was I extremely pissed off/embarrassed when she verbally slashed me in public (for asking her if she was sure she wanted to eat a bag of honey roasted peanuts for lunch btw)? YES. Did I freak out and start crying and pack my bags for Oregon? NO. This may not seem like a big deal to most people, but for me, the Queen of acting on emotions, or re-acting to emotions I should say, it is a very big deal.
In my head I was just like "This sucks, but tomorrow is a new day...God is good, He is going to use this for good...and again thank God for new days." I realized in that moment just how much I've grown since I've moved. I literally, actually believe that God is COMPLETELY in control and that He has me EXACTLY where I'm supposed to be.
I have learned more about myself since moving than I have in my whole lifetime. Since I moved 5 1/2 months ago I have put myself out there like never before, met a lot of new people, tried 3 or 4 different churches (all good), tried 3 or 4 different college/career groups (NOT all good, but I'm never a real fan of these), planned a move back "home" more times than I can count, conceded to God's plan of keeping me here just as many times, dated a guy for about a month and a half, got slightly and abruptly heart broken by him within one weekend, made friends, made just acquaintances, learned that it's ok to not be best friends with everyone and just have them be acquaintances, learned to love quicker, open up my heart and actually allow others to pour into my life, became much more transparent and therefore much more authentic, learned to be less judgmental...especially towards myself. I've gone to the beach more times, gotten lost more times, and slept on an air mattress more consecutive nights than ever before in my entire lifetime.
I have been in my Bible more than ever in my entire life, I have developed a passion for Jesus that I never knew existed in me, I have been extremely frustrated at not having a real outlet for my passion, and then I have realized that my definition of an outlet was not God's definition, and that I can't hide behind "doing church things" anymore as my "outlet". I've had to give up and let Him define my outlet, which for the moment is just Him stealing me away for personal time every single day. And, surprisingly enough, I have become passionate about it and fulfilled in it!
I have learned that I will never know everything, and I have learned and been EXTREMELY humbled by the fact that the "new" revelations God shows me (or that I finally realize because I finally take time to actually look at Him) are possibly new to me but many other people already know them. I will never be able to take pride in my knowledge, I can only allow it to make me more and more in awe of the Creator of knowledge.
Throughout everything that I've been through, even in the past couple of days, I can say without a doubt that I am thankful for every single second, even if a lot of them sucked. Because the suckier the second, the greater the illuminating power of God. Even when I'm being cussed out for no reason.
