God is Good and I'm headed to Disneyland tomorrow! :)

One minute I am so excited to tell my friends and family about my plans for Nicaragua, and the next I feel like I'm going to snap if I get one more question about it! I swear, I thought I was moody before! :) So first, a big thank you to those who are having to put up with my moodiness...especially my mother! We're now on day...something, two weeks in let's just say, of our amazing vacation. We've seen so many things and people that are dear to us and so much fun! I feel SO blessed to be able to have this time. I am excited to see everyone back home when I finally do come back sometime next week, but I am sad to see this trip end.
It's so weird because this trip sort of marked "the change" in my life when I was planning on moving down here to San Diego where I am currently at, and now I'm headed back up to Anaheim again tomorrow to start our trip back up north over the next few days. I'm kind of scared about going back actually, I'm going back to a lot more meetings and decisions and a lot is going to be going on to really solidify this decision! It's crazy. There has been a lot going on down here regarding plans for Nica which has been kind of stressful, and each day I swear I am in a completely different mood and have NOT stopped thinking, but I'm still trying to take everything in me and focus on cherishing this time with my family and friends. Plus, it's been really nice to get out all of my screams and laughter on crazy rides at the different parks we've been at :) The margaritas and comfort food have helped too!! ;)
I have been experiencing some oppression which I'm trying to remind myself is sort of a good thing, that always means God's going to do something incredible, which I already knew! I already realize this, I wish oppression didn't have to come along with that lesson though!!
Well, I'm super tired, so I'm headed to bed, just wanted to share a little about where I am at the moment emotionally :) God is still good, and I'm headed to Disneyland tomorrow with some awesome people, therefore I am doing good.
Oh! And I got my first dedicated monthly supporter!!!! So here I go! I am continuing down this journey no matter how my emotions swing back and forth, God is always the same and is more than capable of carrying out his plan no matter what mood I'm in. I just hope that I can always be a good representative of Christ and not turn anyone off from Him.
Goodnight :)

Different day, different meeting, SAME GOD

Well, it has been a crazy couple of weeks for me. Every day a different meeting, a different decision...but same God. That's fun :) And now I'm on the road, having a great time...not really relaxing yet but that's ok...
Haha, anyways. I'm in a weird mood right now. I finally found a wireless signal in Klamath Falls!!! Well, most people here have internet...most people but not my grandma. I love you grandma! ;) She's probably reading this since I've been telling everyone about my blog! I should have an agent, I feel like I've been trying to "sell" my blog, my trip, etc...to everyone! But hopefully you guys know me and know my heart :) I truly do appreciate how everyone has been so supportive, I think I've already said that a million times, but I really really do!

But speaking of selling...money...trip....you all know where this is going! :) I have officially begun the FUNDRAISING part of this venture...Oh joy, my favorite. Not really! But, it's necessary, and I know that God is going to provide, I'm just getting the word out there and asking all of you if you would honestly pray and consider supporting me in this, whether it's a one time donation or a commitment for one year of month to month sponsorship. If you would like to donate I have a link on Southlake's website now...it's http://www.southlakechurch.com/content.cfm/Brooke

Also, my best friend had an amazing idea and is putting on a fundraising/hear my heart/send off for me on October 12th, 7pm at Southlake. If you didn't get the evite....well you can still come I guess ;) But I honestly would just love to be with all of you who I love and be able to share my heart with all of you guys.

OK! That's enough selling!! :)

I have been very struck by the creativity of people lately, and I think it stems off of how amazing it is to see the creativity of God through all of us! I went to this little art fair with my grandma here and started conversations with the artists asking them questions like, when they started, why they started, etc...it was so interesting and I admired them SO much for having a dream and just going with it! It makes me wonder how much more I'm capable of if I just put myself out there more and stop worrying about whether or not I'll succeed. We also went to this old museum here in K Falls, (I love funny stuff like that) and THAT got me thinking (I swear my mind does not stop) about what I will be remembered for. All of these people who invented this or that, or just were living their lives during a crazy period of history had NO clue that their stuff or the story of their lives were going to end up in a museum one day, but they went for it, they were just acutely aware, I believe, that they were here for a greater purpose, and they were using everything that God gave them to use! Whether they understood that's what they were doing or not. Isn't it cool to think that, ya, it would be cool to be memorialized in a museum one day, but we have the ability to be even more remembered and effective than that! We have the opportunity every day in our everyday lives to exude Jesus and to live FULLY in who He made us to be. And therefore effect LIVES FOR ETERNITY, not just here on the Earth. Every desire we have was intended to glorify Him, whether that's knitting things for an art show or starting huge mega churches or starting underground churches in China, or becoming a professional athlete, these things aren't accidents, God made us this way! I've been trying to figure out how my love of fashion and socializing and my love of missions and Jesus goes together, and you know what? I'm done focusing on that. God will show me, and He made me this way so I think I can trust how He chooses to mesh those things together.

I went to church today at a place that is very connected to my past. The pastor lived with my dad when they were in college, my dad was a youth pastor there for a while, and my grandma (my dad's mom) goes there and every time I go there people meet me and find out who my dad was and immediately start talking about what an impact he made on their lives. I WILL NEVER TIRE OF HEARING THAT. Oh man it's great. My dad had no clue he was going to die at age 38, but he lived with everything he had. That's what I want to do, I want to live in a way that I stop wasting my time being afraid, or wasting my time JUDGING others instead of focusing on who God made me to be.

A lot of you guys know that it's always been hard for me to think that my dad might not get to see who I'm becoming, or how I'm serving God and I've always struggled with wanting my dad to be able to be proud of me. That's been a huge thing, I want my dad to be proud of me. Even though I know God is everything I need, and God is proud, it's still been a struggle. Well, today a very close amazing friend of not only my dad but my entire family was asking about my plans, and I was talking about my plans on moving to Nicaragua. And here's the big ol' guy (Hey Dave;)), who literally just starting crying, tears streaming down his cheeks, and just said "Your dad would be so PROUD". Definitely never going to forget that moment. I've been waiting to hear those words for a long time...

Don't Stop

First of all, I just have to say that I love my friends so so much! It was so good to be back with my small group tonight, even if it was a little weird not living there or leading it anymore :) It was a nice place to be with nice people to be with. P.S., Marissa....SO PROUD OF YOU GIRL! LOVE IT! And LIZ, everything you are doing for me...you are so amazing. How could I ever ask for a friend better than you?!? I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye to you all, but God is SO good. He knows, and that's all I need to know.

So last night was a big night for me. I feel like most of my life I've been running from my calling. I feel like it's always been something I've resented on some level. I've always felt set apart, but I've always hated that. I wanted and tried for so long to be just like everyone else. I have had a hard time reconciling my crazy fun side with my very deep and quiet side and figuring out how to glorify God in all of that. And I've always been so irritated to some degree that I "know better". Why can't I just be like everyone else and not feel bad about it later?!?

I've given up bits and pieces before, small steps at a time, and then usually I would fall back and resent it again and yet at the same time feel so incredibly honored to be set apart. It was driving me crazy! And then, last night happened. And the effect is still just as strong if not stronger. It's funny because all day I was just overcome with the presence of God. It wasn't in a weird overly-religious sense of God, it was just SO real, and deep, and usually when I start to feel that way, I push it away, because honestly, it's to much for me sometimes! I get so overwhelmed and don't know how to handle it. That's how I started to feel at Sam's concert. He had so much passion for what he was doing, and was so in his element and was jumping around on stage and dancing. And then they showed a video of some footage he had put together from a trip he took to Sri Lanka, and I almost lost it. I was so frustrated because I saw that and I was like "I want to go there too!" And that's what i ALWAYS do! I can't help it, I not only have a desire to go everywhere, but I seriously feel this HUGE calling on my life, and the "hugeness" of it HIT me last night so hard. But this time I didn't let myself push it away. I did find Cheri after the concert and literally broke down, I'm talking shaking, crying, babbling...the whole bit :) I was just so frustrated. Sam has this passion, but he has an outlet for it! I felt like I had no outlet for mine! But this time, like I said, I didn't want God to stop, so just started praying "God, what you're doing is so BIG, and I may not know how to process all of this at once, but keep doing whatever you're doing...DON'T STOP, just show me how to handle this." I felt so consumed by this HUGE realization of the calling He has placed on my life, I used to resent it because it was to much, but it's like I had no choice this time, and what I really think was happening was that God finally saw that I was ready, whether I realized it or not.

So I left the concert and I just started driving, and I just knew I needed to go to a place where I could be alone with God and think and just let whatever He was doing in me continue. I ended up out at Dean and Cindy McGregor's place without really thinking about where I was going. They live on the river and have an amazingly peaceful dock. I ran in their house and scared Cindy (sorry bout that;)) and barely made it down to the dock without just feeling like I was falling apart. I just sat there and cried and cried and cried (I'm actually a little embarrassed sharing this part, but oh well). But, again, I didn't want Him to stop. See I just started talking to Him and releasing all of my fears and all of my desires. I get so afraid that I'm never going to be content, and He showed me that He has called me to BIG BIG BIG things and that feeling of wanting to see more is from Him. I know that what I'm called to is much more than just Nicaragua, even if I'm in Nicaragua forever, I know I'm not even BEGINNING to see the miracles that He is going to show me and use me for. I am saying this completely in humility, but I just know in my soul that I am meant for great things. I need to be ready for GOD, not be ready for what's next. We may never be ready for what's around the corner, but that's why it's around the corner where we can't see it, because God needs us to be fully dependent on Him before we can step around the corner. I finally calmed down and just laid down there and looked at the stars and just felt so consumed and surrounded by my KING. I feel like He brought me to a place last night that I have NEVER been, a place where I was so fully surrendered to Him, and I have finally finally finally after all of these years, come to a place where I fully accept the hugeness of this calling. I'm done running, I'm done resenting the fact that He has set me apart. Cindy came down after a while and we had a great talk, I was SO thankful. I felt like things were said that needed to be said and that God has restored one of my favorite friendships that I have in the world. It felt like no time had passed!

I went to Shari's afterward with my Bible and my book for a "Father/Daughter date" (me and God). I just couldn't go home yet or go to bed. So I got coffee and hashbrowns, and opened my Bible to James because we have just started studying that in church. And in the section we went over at church there was one verse highlighted that was so perfect:

"For when your faith is tested, your endurance grows. So let it grow! For when your endurance is fully developed you will be strong in character and READY FOR ANYTHING." James 1:3-4

I swear, nothing's better than Shari's hashbrowns by the way ;) Goodnight everyone

They Caught Us Dancing

Ah! Ok, well, there have been a lot of response from my blog and I just need to say again THANK YOU to everyone who is supporting me and so behind me. I've sort of been torn on how to explain what God is doing in me in a way that everyone can understand, and then I realized that's really stupid to do, so I'm not going to worry if this is understandable or not, I'm just going to share my heart. God is moving in me, and whether you believe in Him or not, I can't explain what's happening in my life or what I'm thinking of/feeling without bringing God into the equation, actually a better way to describe that is there IS no equation without God. So I don't really even apologize if this offends you, this is my heart, and if you know me, (which I have no clue why you would be reading this if you don't, but if you don't then hello! My name is Brooke), you know that my heart is to love people, and I love you! I really do, I may not like everyone that much, but I do love everyone. Because Christ loved me. The End. That's it! There's no other reason, and there doesn't need to be another reason.

First of all, church was AMAZING today. Wow, I could seriously barely contain myself. I just felt as if God was moving so powerfully through the message, through His Word. I would encourage everyone to go listen to the beginning of the study of James, all about WISDOM in tough situations...

http://www.southlakechurch.com/content.cfm?id=213


It's so incredible how a book or story we may have read a million times becomes so new and alive depending on what season of life we are going through! There have been some questions as to what exactly I'll be doing in Nicaragua, and the honest answer is that I don't exactly know yet. That's a little scary to admit because I will need to be raising support soon :) And I want people to feel all moved and excited, and you still can be! What I mean by "I don't exactly know" isn't that I have no plan, it's just that God has a plan that I am waiting to hear details about it. i want to be open though, open so He can form what's going to take place. I know that my heart is to mentor those girls living at the Villa who have been moved out of horribly abusive situations in the dump, and that my heart is to facilitate teams coming through and help lead them through a life changing experience. AH! That is so my heart! First when I get down there I want to start at an immersion program where I will really just be dedicated to learning Spanish. I have been working on Rosetta Stone here, but I know I will need more and I want to be able to build a respect from the people down there and I want to be able to minister relationally and to do so I will need to speak their language.

You know what's funny though? I was sort of convicted today driving through Portland, because I want to learn the language of the people who I want to minister to in Nicaragua, and yet I'm passing a lot of people everyday that I am an expert in their language! And I seem to pass up a lot of opportunities to talk to them and build relationships. So I really am trying to be better at that. I think it's easy sometimes to forget we live IN a mission field.

But I just feel so free today! Why else are we here than to live FREE because Christ died for us? It's amazing how we live in so much guilt. I have a tattoo on my wrist that says "It Is Finished" in Greek, the last words of Jesus. HE CAME SO WE COULD BE FREE! It's not condemning, it's not guilt driven, it is absolute freedom. When He calls me to patience and to have wisdom and to seek after Him I know it's not a weak life to live, it is powerful patience, it is powerful, life-changing wisdom. I get to be best friends with the King of the world. And He has a purpose for me here, and so with this next venture in my life down to a very different country, I KNOW that I am covered. I know that this is going to be hard but it is going to be life changing because I am in the center of God's will for me. I know that it's me and God. And that truly is becoming ALL I need. I am GOING to have fun in this! I am going to bring all of who He has created me to be to this next challenge. Because the only reason to live is to fulfill God's calling on my life, and that is simply to Love Him and Love Others. Nicaragua is the form it's taking in two months. But it will take many different forms throughout my life and it already has. Some I've stepped up to the challenge, some I've let slip by, but I know in all of that God's calling hasn't changed. This a powerful thing! If you are reading this and you are not saved, then God just wants to love you! He wants to be able to show you why you were created and for you to experience and ENJOY all there is to this life. True joy comes from fulfillment, not from comfort. And if you are saved, join with me in stepping up to our responsibility that we now have to join HIM in this crazy adventure!!! :)

Sam Martin played at our church today and I bought one of his CD's. (Hi Sam if you're reading this! Thanks for letting me steal some of your creative thoughts). :) I was listening to it in the car ride to the coffee shop I'm sitting at right now, and there's a song called "They Caught Us Dancing", or at least it says it in the song, I'm not sure of the title. But I just think it's SO COOL! Let's dance and sing and enjoy our lives to the FULLEST! Not letting scary decisions or circumstances, or cynicism or especially religion hold us back from being who we were created to be! Let's DANCE! Who cares who's watching? Let them catch us! I hope they do! Let's live the lives that God has called us to that defy what the world thinks of God and faith. He is dancing! So let's join! I will forever dance and be FREE in this calling no matter what He asks of me. Why else are we here? We will have eternity to be free of these challenges, let's step up once again today and say Yes to God, and then ask Him what we just agreed to :) (Nicaragua team two folks, you should remember that!)

The title of my blog has a lot more to do with who I am as a person being combined to my new calling than it does actual jewelry, but I will be bringing jewelry to Nicaragua. I have been created by my God, and He is the only one I need to answer to, and He has created me with desires ranging from my love of shopping to my love of seeing Christ move in lives. And I will bring everything I have with no expectations except to expect God's greatness in the littlest things. That's when we're used, and that's when the greatest purpose of this life is fulfilled, when we're in motion! When we're dancing.

Ready

I'm feeling so out of place right now, I have no "home" although I'm SO THANKFUL to Liz and Jeff and Bob for letting me live/keep all of my junk at their places. I am out of a job in a couple of days, living out of suitcases, etc...I guess it's good preparation, but I even felt more "settled" in Nicaragua then I do now. It's hard to have NO routine, and NO schedule. It has freed me up to be able to see all of you loverly's :) Many more happy hours are ahead before I leave...let me tell you dat!! :) (That's for you Mario). But I tend to be very quick to change moods these days, probably because of that. If you know me, I'm already moody so I'm working on that. I start to feel really overwhelmed very quickly by the most unusual things. Not good...already my tendency, but not good. I'm so blessed though to be surrounded by so many people who are supporting me in this! Thank you to all of you! (You know who you are!)

I just want to live as if I was created for this day specifically. I know in my head that I am, but I don't always allow that to sink into my heart and LIVE like it. I don't want to wait until I get to Nicaragua. I can't just put off my "growth" and "learning" to the day that I get down to Nica, because guaranteed I'm not going to feel so overwhelmed by God's purpose every second down there...so I need to start here. Now. Where God has placed me. I'm reading this book called "To Live Is Christ" by Beth Moore about the passion of Paul. Very inspiring, but interesting reading about Paul while he was still Saul...The first mention of Saul in the Bible was at the stoning of Stephen (the first Christian martyr). And so they started describing Stephen. It's true that most of us would struggle with naming all of the disciples, but ask us who the first martyr was and most of us can tell you! If not, then now you know! You're welcome. :)

Stephen very well could have been created for THAT DAY alone. God uses us everywhere and everyday, but I believe that the PURPOSE of Stephen was fulfilled in that day. Even him crying out to God to not condemn those who were there probably had a HUGE part in the salvation of Saul...and we all know where that led...if you don't, just read most of the new testament...I promise, it's not as boring as you may think!

I want to live so that when my last day comes I wasn't putting anything off. Stephen may or may not have known that that was going to be his last day, but what I do know is that he was READY in case it was.
May we all live in a state where every day we are ready.

So here I go....

"What are you going to do in another country?" That has been a question I have received for years as I've told people about my dream and desire to do full time missions. And to be honest, as confident as I may sound in my "I don't know, but I just know I'm called" answer to those people, the question itself has haunted me to an extent as well. In the world's eyes, I really have no "expertise" that can be greatly used in underprivileged countries, and yet it's been the one constant thing I've held onto since I was in 7th grade. And here I am tonight sitting in my friends living room, still trying to allow the reality of my decision to move to Nicaragua in two months time to sink in.

Rewind to about 3 and a half weeks ago. I led two teams down to Nicaragua on short term mission trips. I'm sitting in the back of a rickety truck/van in Managua, Nicaragua on my way to the hospital for a back injury. I'm frustrated, I'm probably feeling sorry for myself, and I'm just zoning out as we drive through the city. I start focusing on the people I saw driving by, I started focusing on the city, and I just thought to myself, "I wish I could just connect with them, I wish I could just be a part of their daily lives." And God spoke. "That's it Brooke, THAT is what you're called to do in other countries." Now, I know as Christians, we are all called to connect with other people, to build relationships, but this was different. God revealed something new to me about my greatest calling in this life, and I've always been confident in that area! I am very social, I love people, I love mentoring and leading no matter how difficult it can be, but I've never recognized that as a strength and a CALLING that God has placed on my life until now. And for some reason, on top of all of that, God has called this crazy white blond girl from a small town in the NW to do this in other countries, and more recently to do this specifically in Nicaragua.

Now I know this is a change to what I have been planning on recently. If you know me at all you've probably heard that I was planning on moving to San Diego in one week. I have decided against that because I truly believe that God has called me to be released into full time missions at this point in my life and He's calling me to launch that down in Nicaragua. My amazing church Southlake, is in full support and is being so helpful in supporting and sending me, and I will be working with an awesome organization called Forward Edge International.
This may not make sense to a lot of people. It doesn't fully make sense to me! But that is when God's TRUE miracles take place, because no matter how much we can plan our own lives, God always has BIGGER AND BETTER, and when I say bigger and better I mean incredibly bigger and incredibly better! I know there have been so many times in my life that God has had polar opposite plans than mine and I have always walked away from those closed doors kicking and screaming and pouting and feeling so sorry for myself and lost, and then I turn around and I see this little stream of light coming from a completely different direction than I have EVER looked before, and then I see my Jesus standing there, nudging me towards that tiny stream with virtually no explanation as to what it is, but it gives me hope. And so I take God's hand and I look Him in the eye and try a little harder than last time to trust Him, and to not break eye contact as often or as long as the last time, and I feel His love and His excitement for where that light leads, and it's ALWAYS better.

And so that's what I'm doing. Does this decision scare the crap out of me? Yes. Does it make sense fully? No. As of right now all I can see is God's face and that little stream of hope peeking out from behind Him. There are SO many things in the past couple of weeks that have confirmed this decision, and have challenged this decision, and that would take a much longer blog post than what you're already having to endure :) But it's been incredible how much God has grown me, and prepared me for this decision. I have so many questions, I think a lot about everything I will need to be giving up. Even things that may seem stupid to many, but questions come up like, how many of my clothes and shoes am I going to have to leave behind? Can I wear my jewelry in Nicaragua? I'm so social, will I be able to make friends, and will I be able to go out with them? Definitely not as much as I do at home! And if all of those things are part of who I'm made up to be; my love for jewelry, fashion, going out with friends, than am I going to have to give up a part of who I am? How am I going to say goodbye?

I've been going to physical therapy for my back injury, and instead of focusing solely on my lower back where the injury is, my therapist has been focusing on me strengthening my core. Because when my core is stronger, it supports that part that hurts, and helps relieve that pain. I was laying in bed last night and just started crying, thinking of everything that God was calling me to in the near future, and in the midst of feeling that pain and that beginning of letting go completely to God's will, this thought came to me. Jesus is my core. And the stronger my core is, the more it supports me in my pain, and the stronger I become. I was able to be so rational in that moment of emotion! I knew that my emotions would come and go, but that my core stays the same. And I am so confident in my calling, and I am SO EXCITED in my calling! Nothing but God will be able to change my direction when the time comes. And that makes those hard moments so much easier to get through! :)

So here I go....into the wild unknown. I'll write more later explaining more about what I'm going to be doing, and when I'm going to be going...and to announce some big fabulous going away party I'll be having wearing as many outfits as I can in one night to give my shoes and jewelry and cute clothes one more chance before I say "adios" for a while ;) If you want to follow this than great! I just wanted to write so that whoever wants to can follow along, and honestly it helps me process....so here we go. Thank you for your prayers and support. And now I go to study my Rosetta Stone, and wake up tomorrow morning taking each day as it comes, waiting in complete anticipation for God to show me a little bit more of where He's leading me. But what else are we here for anyway? It keeps it interesting at least, and I feel SO honored to be called :)