So here I go....

"What are you going to do in another country?" That has been a question I have received for years as I've told people about my dream and desire to do full time missions. And to be honest, as confident as I may sound in my "I don't know, but I just know I'm called" answer to those people, the question itself has haunted me to an extent as well. In the world's eyes, I really have no "expertise" that can be greatly used in underprivileged countries, and yet it's been the one constant thing I've held onto since I was in 7th grade. And here I am tonight sitting in my friends living room, still trying to allow the reality of my decision to move to Nicaragua in two months time to sink in.

Rewind to about 3 and a half weeks ago. I led two teams down to Nicaragua on short term mission trips. I'm sitting in the back of a rickety truck/van in Managua, Nicaragua on my way to the hospital for a back injury. I'm frustrated, I'm probably feeling sorry for myself, and I'm just zoning out as we drive through the city. I start focusing on the people I saw driving by, I started focusing on the city, and I just thought to myself, "I wish I could just connect with them, I wish I could just be a part of their daily lives." And God spoke. "That's it Brooke, THAT is what you're called to do in other countries." Now, I know as Christians, we are all called to connect with other people, to build relationships, but this was different. God revealed something new to me about my greatest calling in this life, and I've always been confident in that area! I am very social, I love people, I love mentoring and leading no matter how difficult it can be, but I've never recognized that as a strength and a CALLING that God has placed on my life until now. And for some reason, on top of all of that, God has called this crazy white blond girl from a small town in the NW to do this in other countries, and more recently to do this specifically in Nicaragua.

Now I know this is a change to what I have been planning on recently. If you know me at all you've probably heard that I was planning on moving to San Diego in one week. I have decided against that because I truly believe that God has called me to be released into full time missions at this point in my life and He's calling me to launch that down in Nicaragua. My amazing church Southlake, is in full support and is being so helpful in supporting and sending me, and I will be working with an awesome organization called Forward Edge International.
This may not make sense to a lot of people. It doesn't fully make sense to me! But that is when God's TRUE miracles take place, because no matter how much we can plan our own lives, God always has BIGGER AND BETTER, and when I say bigger and better I mean incredibly bigger and incredibly better! I know there have been so many times in my life that God has had polar opposite plans than mine and I have always walked away from those closed doors kicking and screaming and pouting and feeling so sorry for myself and lost, and then I turn around and I see this little stream of light coming from a completely different direction than I have EVER looked before, and then I see my Jesus standing there, nudging me towards that tiny stream with virtually no explanation as to what it is, but it gives me hope. And so I take God's hand and I look Him in the eye and try a little harder than last time to trust Him, and to not break eye contact as often or as long as the last time, and I feel His love and His excitement for where that light leads, and it's ALWAYS better.

And so that's what I'm doing. Does this decision scare the crap out of me? Yes. Does it make sense fully? No. As of right now all I can see is God's face and that little stream of hope peeking out from behind Him. There are SO many things in the past couple of weeks that have confirmed this decision, and have challenged this decision, and that would take a much longer blog post than what you're already having to endure :) But it's been incredible how much God has grown me, and prepared me for this decision. I have so many questions, I think a lot about everything I will need to be giving up. Even things that may seem stupid to many, but questions come up like, how many of my clothes and shoes am I going to have to leave behind? Can I wear my jewelry in Nicaragua? I'm so social, will I be able to make friends, and will I be able to go out with them? Definitely not as much as I do at home! And if all of those things are part of who I'm made up to be; my love for jewelry, fashion, going out with friends, than am I going to have to give up a part of who I am? How am I going to say goodbye?

I've been going to physical therapy for my back injury, and instead of focusing solely on my lower back where the injury is, my therapist has been focusing on me strengthening my core. Because when my core is stronger, it supports that part that hurts, and helps relieve that pain. I was laying in bed last night and just started crying, thinking of everything that God was calling me to in the near future, and in the midst of feeling that pain and that beginning of letting go completely to God's will, this thought came to me. Jesus is my core. And the stronger my core is, the more it supports me in my pain, and the stronger I become. I was able to be so rational in that moment of emotion! I knew that my emotions would come and go, but that my core stays the same. And I am so confident in my calling, and I am SO EXCITED in my calling! Nothing but God will be able to change my direction when the time comes. And that makes those hard moments so much easier to get through! :)

So here I go....into the wild unknown. I'll write more later explaining more about what I'm going to be doing, and when I'm going to be going...and to announce some big fabulous going away party I'll be having wearing as many outfits as I can in one night to give my shoes and jewelry and cute clothes one more chance before I say "adios" for a while ;) If you want to follow this than great! I just wanted to write so that whoever wants to can follow along, and honestly it helps me process....so here we go. Thank you for your prayers and support. And now I go to study my Rosetta Stone, and wake up tomorrow morning taking each day as it comes, waiting in complete anticipation for God to show me a little bit more of where He's leading me. But what else are we here for anyway? It keeps it interesting at least, and I feel SO honored to be called :)